Academic Tension

By Nate on September 16, 2010

As the schoolwork piles up, I’m recognizing a tension between learning the material and grades. On the one hand, I really want to soak in everything that I’m reading. But on the other hand, that’s impossible to do as a full time student. Like Mark Batterson always talks about, I’m stuck with a tension. I need to prioritize my reading and other assignments. However, at the same time I need to be diligent in learning the material and not just game the system.

This all makes me wonder, how many other tensions will I encounter in seminary? In ministry? I like problems, because problems have a solution. Tensions are another story entirely…

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Robots

By Nate on September 15, 2010

“YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT!” screams my favorite teacher. He’s lecturing the class, but for some reason he is staring right at me. Hi, my name is Nate, I’m in 8th grade, and I’m a robot superhero.

Last year I was introduced to this Jesus guy, and I fell in love. I’d heard about him before. My pastor talked about him in church as I fell asleep or doodled. My Sunday school teacher used him on a flannelgraph. My dad even prayed to him before dinner. But I thought he was dead. Or undead. Or something. Anywhere but here.

Yes, I fell in love with a dude. But I’m not gay. In fact, I don’t even know what love is… or who Jesus really is. I think love has something to do with girls and babies. As for Jesus, I find out a little bit more about him every day, but right now he gives purpose to my life, and I’ll love anyone that can give me purpose.

The problem is that I could never figure out why I’m here. I spend most my days bored out of my mind. In class I try to sneak into novels while my teachers drone on in front, but they normally catch me. Jesus gives me something to think about, and they can’t catch me when I’m just thinking.

This Jesus guy gave me a book to read. The problem is he never told me where to start. I talked to a youth assistant at church, and he gave me a guide to go through it in “chronological” order. I started at the beginning, skipped around to a book about a whiny guy named Job, but generally I read through the Bible in order. I’ve heard these stories before, but all of a sudden I believe them.

I’m surprised by what I find. I mean, holy cow! It’s like reading X-Men comics! There’s this slave called Moses. He’s born and left out to die when all of a sudden he’s discovered by the Pharaoh – the most powerful guy in the world! And then he ditches Pharaoh to stick up for his people! And then God meets with him face to face! OMG, eat your shorts Luke Skywalker. Sure there are boring parts like Leviticus, but even those are fun for giving my pastor a hard time (“I have seen something that looks like mildew in my house”).

After reading about Moses and getting the boring parts out of the way, I read about Joshua, the Judges, David, and these superheroes called prophets. I suddenly get it: Following God = superhero. That’s what Christianity is about! Why didn’t my pastor just tell us! I started to devour these superheroes in the Old Testament and the “Apostles” in the New Testament. I talk about them to grownups at church, and occasionally I read about them in other books too. What I gather: God had a purpose for their lives, and I figure he has a purpose for mine too.

So I start to ponder what is God’s purpose for my life? I figure he wants me to live forever like the folks in Genesis and point out the truths in the world like the prophets. Crap! What is the truth? …I’ll figure that one out another day. The point is that God has a purpose for me and that I’m going to live forever. I start to put together a plan for my life: School, then President of the United States. I figure if I’m going to be a superhero today, that’s the closest I can get, and I decide that everything in my life must be for that one purpose.

Fast forward to today and here my history teacher is screaming at me that I’m not a robot. Of course I’m a robot! I’m here for a purpose and to accomplish that purpose. Everything else is superfluous. The problem is, he’s been saying this a lot to the class and he always looks at me. And I like the guy. He treats me like I’m an adult. Maybe he’s onto something? Maybe life is about more than just purpose?

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600 Years

By Nate on September 14, 2010

When I was in middle school I wanted to live forever. Not that I feared death, but more so I was in love with life. For the first time in I don’t know how many years, I finally feel like I’m at that place again.

In middle school I had this theory that God would let me live for hundreds of years like the stories recorded in Genesis. I was certain that this would be necessary to accomplish my objectives in life, because I wanted to accomplish so much. I was in love with learning, the arts, music, sports, people… almost everything. I figured I would need at least 600 years to master all the things I loved (and why would God have given me a love for them if I was not intended to master them?).

As I sit through my classes at RTS, I’m once again filled with passions for learning, loving, and living. As we discuss topics like absolute truth, the challenges facing modern Christianity, and the theory of leadership, my head is filled with ideas for books and passion for research. I don’t know where all of this will take me, but I feel like I’m in the right place.

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Reality and Hope

By Nate on September 13, 2010

I don’t know how many times I’ve endeavored to resurrect this blog (I think it’s around 3 or 4, but I’ve lost count at this point). However, I’m finally starting to settle down to a routine at school. The reality is that I need to blog (or journal in some capacity), and I also need to study (i.e. I don’t really have time for blogging). I’m going to attempt to identify a time in my schedule when I can blog every day – even if it’s only a short entry. In my classes and even in my free time I’m filled with so many ideas and stories that I’d love to write. They need to be written, and a blog seems like the best place.

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TheMeyerWire on Wordle

By Nate on September 13, 2010

This past weekend I was able to attend my former church (NCC) in Washington, DC. Before their sermons, they always have a short video introduction (thanks to their awesome Media Pastor Jeremy Sexton). For their current series, they used the website Wordle.net to emphasize different words in Scripture. Taking the idea from my friend Mark, I decided to run my blog through Wordle, and here’s what I got. The word emphasis is startlingly telling (“long,” “meaning,” and “friend” are much bigger than “Christ”). I’ve got no idea why the picture below is so small, but it’s a hyperlink to the full sized image.

Wordle: TheMeyerWire

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A Long, Tortuous Journey

By Nate on June 29, 2010

It all started in seventh grade. My friend Greg and I were in his dad’s minivan on our way to a baseball card convention. They were talking about the Texas Rangers while I was off in my own thoughts, contemplating my existence. Suddenly, it came to me! “I want to be a pastor when I grow up!” I blurted out. My friend and his dad were taken aback by my sudden outburst, but they knew I was just a weird kid. “Good for you!” said my friend’s dad. While he might have been placating me at the moment, he would continue to encourage me in that endeavor throughout my life.

What began as a day dream in seventh grade, sprouted roots, stems, and branches in the years to that followed. This past May, I was prepared to leave my job to pursue seminary full time in Chicago, Illinois. However, as the days drew closer, uncertainty sprang up and grew in my heart. Ultimately, I realized that to attend seminary full time in Chicago I would have to take out student loans in the neighborhood of $60,000. While this may seem profitable for more lucrative graduate degrees, I felt that taking out massive student debt in my attempt to become a pastor was not a good idea.

This left me despondent, and in the weeks and months that followed I struggled at my job (which I was fortunate enough to keep) and sought out what God desired of my life. At first I thought I could stay at my current job and attend seminary part time. However, I soon realized that I had neither the financial resources nor the time management discipline to pursue that route. In addition, I wanted to enroll in the Army’s Chaplain Candidate Program, and that required full time enrollment in seminary.

After numerous half-baked ideas (and I appreciate those of you that listened to them), I realized that attending seminary in Orlando, Florida was my only option. Fortunately, my parents still live in Orlando. While I know that every man’s dream (nightmare?) in his late 20s is to move back in with his parents, I can’t turn down the free rent and living expenses while I attend seminary. Going to seminary in Orlando will free me up financially (and thus time wise) to attend seminary full time.

That having been said, my path has been tortuous and God has been in the habit of closing doors. While I still trust and love Him completely, time will tell if this is ultimately His desire for my life…

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

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Going Public (Again)

By Nate on June 29, 2010

So after years of allowing my blog to dwindle in the shadows, I’m seeking to revive it and use it as a communication tool. I’m fortunate to have coworkers, friends, and family that care about my well being and that want to stay updated with my life, especially as I make the transition into seminary. In addition, it seems that numerous pastors effectively use blogs as supplements to their ministry. As such, I’m going to give it another try, dust off the old blog, and start typing again.

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To Live Is Christ

By Nate on January 28, 2010

“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.” (Philippians 1:21)

Building on my post from yesterday: I’ve known that saying of Paul’s for a long time, but I honestly don’t feel like I understood its true meaning until recently. I’m a man that is rarely alone. Even in an apartment by myself, I am frequently plagued by an overactive mind. I can be sitting in silence (or in noise) and my mind will still be constantly thinking, evaluating, and analyzing everything. I think there’s a saying, “Paralysis by analysis,” and that can frequently be the case in my life.

Combine that with idealism, a longing for a meaningful life, and near impossible standards, and my focus on that verse has largely been a negative one, “To live is to experience sacrifice and suffering like Christ, to die is peace and freedom from thoughts, from expectations, from obligations in paradise.” However, per the “Paradigms” post from yesterday I’ve come to realize that the focus of life is Christ and pleasing him and only him. If Christ is my focus, then I will find my peace and freedom in Christ here on Earth.

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Paradigms

By Nate on January 27, 2010

Over my Christmas vacation, I had a long conversation with a good friend about “meaning” in my life, and also how I might invest in people without becoming emotionally dependent on their progress and success. My friend had a bunch of great suggestions that I’ve been mulling over since our conversation, but ultimately I’ve realized that my focus is in the wrong place. As I invest in friends and the people I meet throughout my day, I’ve been looking for meaning and validation in their response, instead I should be looking for those things in God. I know that may sound trite, so let me explain.

When I go to bed at night I frequently think about my actions throughout the day, or the people that I care about. Mostly it’s a combination of the two: How my actions throughout the day (or throughout my life) have affected the people that I care about. All this is fine and good, but it results in me investing too much in people and too little in God. Instead of focusing on how my actions impact people, I should be comparing my actions and my heart against God’s standards. If I’m living up to God’s standards, then I should find validation and success in that regardless of the response of the people around me. That having been said, if I’m successfully living up to God’s standards in heart and deed, then that will definitely have a positive impact on the people in my life. To live is Christ.

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Perfectionism Is…

By Nate on December 17, 2009

Having a blog since 2002 that has less than 200 posts. Perfectionism is one of my greatest struggles. I have ideals in my mind, and when reality does not live up to my ideals I get discouraged. For instance, I used to spend up to 2 hours working on a 250 word blog entry. It normally only takes me 30 minutes to write the post, but then I’d spend the next hour and a half editing the entry, and it would still never live up to my expectations.

Recently, I’ve started blogging from my iPhone on the Metro during my daily commute. I type the entries in Notes, email them to myself, and then edit them in Word. I feel like my blog posts are so much more concise when I do it this way, mostly because I hate typing on my iPhone. But it also circumvents my perfectionism: editing posts on an iPhone sucks.

However, I also encounter perfectionism in other areas of my life that are not so easily resolved. Perfectionism is the unrealistic expectations I hold myself to, and unrealistic hopes that I sometimes have for my friends and those that I care about. We live in a fallen world, but I have aspirations of perfection, and the chasm between the two can be depression.

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